At the beginning of this year my sister challenged me to discover my one-word theme for the year. I loved this idea so much better than coming up with a New Year’s resolution because my track record for keeping them isn’t so great.
I spent a good part of the first week of this month in prayer and reflection awaiting the one word God would give me. I was filled with anticipation and excitement. I had all these grand ideas of what my word would be. I thought for sure it would be something bold and revolutionary (I suppose I think a little to highly of myself). But then slowly a single word began to captivate my attention, often times in the most bizarre places.
It became clear to me that God was giving me my word. He said to me, “Brittny ENJOY!” And of course because I’m stubborn and need a lot of convincing I countered with, “Oh but I’m such a happy person of course I enjoy life.” That’s when God took off the kid gloves and solidified in my heart my word, “without conditions!” The air from the room was sucked out as if someone had turned on a vacuum. Enjoy without conditions. My Heavenly Father was so right, He knows me so well (obviously). Right there in that moment He exposed me. No matter how hard I try to fake the funk my enjoyment is usually based on conditions. So…. I have committed to enjoy… just enjoy.
You can believe me when I say that is huge for me. I’m a planner who loves checklists. I make checklists for everything (even vacations). And when even one of those boxes go unchecked I feel anxious. I feel as if I have failed. I dwell on that unchecked box and the things that went wrong that caused it to go unchecked. Even now just talking about unchecked boxes is giving me chest pains. I totally miss the enjoyment of the boxes that were checked, or the vacation or project that was successfully completed. And it doesn’t stop with checklists. I have been known to say, “I can relax when the kitchen is clean”, or “I’ll be happy when hubby does X, Y, or Z”. Here’s a biggy, “I will be happy and content when I finally have a baby!” In those moments I miss out on time with family, the satisfaction of a job well done, or a lesson from my heavenly Father.
It may take me all year but I’m committed to just enjoying my life, my relationships, and the seasons God chooses to walk me through. Hubby and I have some big things possibly happen to us this year and normally I would be seriously stressed out right now. I would have already mapped out all the things that could go horribly wrong. I would be consumed with what if. But now I’m reminding myself daily that I am a new creation in Christ. That every day is a new opportunity to embrace God’s grace. I’m focusing on the fact that God has not created me with a spirit of fear or worry but rather with a spirit of joy and hope.
Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of HOPE fill you with ALL JOY and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may OVERFLOW with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” He fills me with so much joy and I’m not going to give the enemy the satisfaction of knowing that I’m trading my joy for fear or worry anymore. Please don’t get me wrong, infertility is not something I have enjoyed. It has been something that has brought great sorrow and pain and something I battle every day. What I am saying is that even in those circumstances there are things we can enjoy and it should be enjoyed without conditions. This year I’m committing to seeking out His blessings in ALL circumstances and I’m going to just enjoy them!